Tammy Westhoff

I Am Surviving: A Conversation with Tammy Westhoff *Robert: What is “I Am Surviving” about?* **Tammy:** In November 2020, I lost both of my parents to COVID within a week of each other. I’m the oldest of five, and I felt like I had to be the rock for everyone. There was the house to sell, paperwork, bills, money to divide, and a lot of long-distance driving because none of us lived close to my parents. When I wrote “I Am Surviving,” I was overwhelmed. I was taking care of everyone else, and I don’t think anyone was really taking care of me. Even now, years later, I still feel like I’m surviving through it. *Robert: Tell me about your parents.* **Tammy:** My dad was Larry Rudolph, and my mom was Willa. My dad was born and raised in Kansas. My mom grew up in California and moved to a small town in Kansas after high school, where she met my dad. My mom was more of the influencer and enforcer. My dad was the cool one everybody wanted to be around. Family was everything to them, and I think that is still what holds all of us siblings together. *Robert: How do you keep them close now?* **Tammy:** My siblings and I have stayed really close since they passed because we don’t want to lose what we still have. I also wear a bracelet every day with my mom and dad’s signatures. It says, “I love you, Mom. I love you, Dad,” in their handwriting. I hope I live the way they would want me to, taking care of my siblings and keeping those relationships strong. *Robert: What does “surviving” mean to you now?* **Tammy:** When I took the photo, surviving felt literal. I was asking myself, “Am I going to make it another day through all of this?” We didn’t get to say goodbye or have a normal funeral because it was during COVID. There was no real closure. Now, when I look at the message, I feel proud. I made it through. I’m stronger for it, my siblings are stronger for it, and we’re closer because of it. *Robert: What values guide you now?* **Tammy:** Grace and kindness. You never know what someone else is facing. When my parents died, I didn’t tell a lot of people. If I didn’t feel like I could trust someone, I wouldn’t say anything. So I try to remember: don’t be judgmental, ask questions, be patient, and give people grace. Most people are fighting something we know nothing about. *Robert: Why have you kept the photograph?* **Tammy:** Maybe because it’s a picture of me opening up, and that’s something I normally wouldn’t do. I have it hanging in my home office, so I see it all the time. It reminds me that you go through hard times, you survive, and you just keep moving.