I should have gone to the service

Dear Presence, This is a story that my friend David told me. It’s a mix of nostalgia, regret, what ifs and might have been. David tells me about his college friend Andy. “We were in the freshman dorms together and became very close friends that continued post college. Andy was one that I kept in very close contact with,” David says. “I was in his wedding. He was in my wedding. He's the godfather of my son… or was the godfather of my son.” In the battle between is and was and will be, our stories intertwine between our pasts, our presents and our futures. But you, presence, are a fragile and fleeting thing. And once you’re gone, we can’t get you back. That’s the meaning behind David’s photo, that is a tribute to you. I should have gone to the service. See, Andy fell on some hard times. His drinking became unmanageable. David and others tried over the years to intervene. One time, Andy held a drink in his hands, but they shook so ferociously, all the liquid fell out. His death was untimely, too young and too soon. David remembers getting the news. He was and still is an influential business executive who travels hundreds of days per year on the road. For whatever reason, he can’t even recall, “the logistics” of making it to the funeral felt like too much. He wasn’t present at the funeral of his friend, the godfather of his son. “I think about it to this day,” he said. “I should have been there.” “And, I think I owed it to myself, too. To be there, to be part of that circle of friends and family that celebrated Andy's life, because it was worth celebrating, even though it, you know, ended way too early.” Andy drowned in a hot tub, alone. He was 46. It hits me talking to David that my pre-judgement of Andy is wrong. David tells me that he was a wildly successful businessman, that he was able to maintain this and continue his drinking. It reminds me that we don’t know what battles people are carrying. Behind the updates and celebrations, big houses and businesses, many of us are carrying weights and fighting battles the “world” doesn’t see. I think that’s why you, presence, are so important for us in our roles as friends, colleagues, lovers, parents, and family. I know that my struggles, the ones I don’t want anyone to see, are even hard still to disclose to my inner–inner circle. But their presence, either in short bursts or long bouts, are what carry me through. We need each other. And when bad things happen, deaths in particular, I’ve always believed that going to the funeral is important. And David has given us a gift. The insight that showing up is important and even when we fall short, we can continue to honor the ones we loved. Sincerely yours, Robert & David PS: David Peckinpaugh is CEO of Maritz Travel. PPS: Want to forward or share this story to someone who might need it? Use the same link https://stories.dearworld.com/book/i-should-have-gone-to-the-service