Jill Hutton

I am the mother of 3 sons, always. In 2024 tragically and unimaginably, our youngest son Jared died at the age of 19. We just passed the second-year anniversary of losing him. I started a new role, in my same company about a year after his passing. My new team and customers didn't know me. It was very difficult to answer, normally benign, questions about my family. How many children do you have? Easy answer, 3 How old are they. Getting trickier, 31, 22 and our youngest was born 12 months after our middle. At this point, I am really hoping the questions stop. It's not that I didn't want to talk about Jared, I love talking about him. It's that I didn't want to see their faces drop as they look for magic words to try to fix something that can never be fixed. Sometimes they would cry, many times I would cry. It's been 2 years and I am still taking things a day at a time and these simple conversations feel so raw. Recently, during a meeting with a new customer, we were talking & laughing about her children's antics. She then asked, "How many kids do you have, how old are they and what are they doing?" I froze. Things were so light that I didn't know how to shift this into my reality. I lied. I said that I have two sons that are 31 and 22, one is a Construction Management Engineer and the other is in college. Instantly, I felt that I said the wrong thing. I undid having Jared as a son. I was crushed. Others continued the conversation. I quietly said that I also have a son named Jared, that passed away in 2024. No one heard me, and I didn't really want them to, I just had to say it out loud. I went home & climbed into bed. I felt that I had betrayed Jared and I didn't want to ever feel that way again. He was here, he was real, and I love and miss him dearly. I will never pretend he wasn't a beautiful part of my life again. It was after that experience that I solidified my answer that question. I am the mother of three sons, always. mental health matters