Omar Delgado

The music was cut off, just the disco lights. No sounds. Just us talking, our radios going and we had to lower them. My radio didn't work. Now phones just start ringing all over the place. The one that gets me is the one iPhone that was kind of next to my feet that just kept going and going and going. I'm looking at the wall, I'm looking at the opening and I looked down, I looked back up, looked down, looked back up. I knew what it was. It was a phone but it just kept catching me off guard. I would see the caller ID, the picture. I was like, "I know this person's never going to be able to pick up this phone again." It was just ringing, ringing, ringing and with the vibration. The blood is coming out of all these poor people. It just started making a pool of blood and it just started carrying away. I was like, "Wow." That's when it started hitting me like, "Holy cow. This is something real serious." ON THERAPY/GOING BACK My department was like, "You're not getting any better. We're going to find somewhere else because that's obviously not working." They introduced me to a program made for veterans. It had this BRU (Bomb Rack Unit) that you put on. You're watching a video and they actually kind of make you feel like you're back in Iran or Iraq or something in a Humvee and whatnot. It's all great for veterans. But how's that going to help me as a first responder? They didn't have a video of Club Pulse so it was something new. I understand their philosophy. I would sit down and she would pop up the Google Maps and make me drive down I-4, get off on Anderson, make a left and make a right on Orange and pull up to the club. That was intense ... On the last day of the class they decided to do a field trip and take me to the club again and I wasn't really ready but they really wanted me to go. I went with one of the guys that was in my class and he's a military guy. They're driving me because I was not fit to drive. We pull up to the Einstein Bagel parking lot. I didn't want to get out the car. He's like, "What's wrong, Omar? You need to get out. You're okay. What's wrong? What's wrong? What's wrong?" It's hot as hell and I got so mad, I said, "Because where you're standing, there are bodies laying around all over the place because this right here was the triage." "Oh my god. I didn't know." "What do you mean you didn't know? Most people would do your homework before you try to do this field trip." She gets me to the corner and now I'm looking toward the hospital. The club is right behind me and I refused to look that way. Across the street, because her main goal was to get me to the light box where I start my story. I get to the light box, I run in and that was their goal. It didn't happen because what's down the street? The hospital. What passed by? An ambulance, first truck, lights and sirens and that just took me back to that night. Here I am, 44-year-old police officer in the fetal position on the corner of Orange and Kaley when it's 100 degrees out and I just lost it. Now I'm crying. Traffic's slowing. People are probably looking at me like, "What the hell's wrong with this man?" I just lost it. That has affected me a lot. I can understand their concept. They're trying to help but I think it was just a bit too soon. People were like, "How much time do you need?" I don't know! It's almost a year and I'm still struggling with it. You can't put a time limit on this and I wish, because if that was the case, I wish there was a magical pill that I could take it and, boom, I'm like, "Hey," I'm back to the old Omar was. I miss that. I miss being the old Omar. It's affected my kids. I don't want to lose hope that I will be that person again. ****************** Omar Delgado is a police officer with the Eatonville Police Department a suburb of Orlando. He returned to the club with Dear World after sitting for this interview, watch his return HERE. Instructions/Permissions *Interviews are edited and condensed *Tag @dearworld on any social/digital use. We are @dearworld on Instagram/Twitter and we are at *Facebook.com/dearworld *Credit Dear World/Daymon Gardner for portrait