Angel Santiago

Throughout my life, especially when I was younger, I had nightmares where someone’s chasing me and I’m running and hiding, I find somewhere to hide, a closet, and sure enough I’m found. That night was just like that but this time it was real. The shots started in the main dance floor area and I didn't know what was happening. I ran to the rear men's restroom underneath the sink. We were waiting for it to pass but it didn't pass. It kept going and going and kept getting closer and closer and suddenly I realized there's nowhere for me to go. I'm trapped. There's no way I can get out. I was shot through the knee and through the foot so I couldn't walk. I pushed my body underneath the stall, down the hallway and had to drag myself to the door. I thought I was gonna die. Before Pulse, some people that knew I was gay, but it was still a sensitive topic for me. I was very protective of myself. There was always the fear of being treated differently. Not only did I have nowhere to hide that night but now in general in my life, this very personal, sensitive subject, it’s out there for everyone to know. That’s why that just kept ringing in my head. Nowhere left to hide. I could no longer hide who I am. Two days after the shooting, I was part of the press conference at the hospital. I had this fear of being exposed and people seeing me, but the fact that someone came into our safe place and killed and injured me and my friends, a part of me was like, "No, I owe it to not only myself but to them to speak out about what happened because they need to know, the world should know". Now everyone knows that I'm gay. Not only did I have nowhere to hide that night but now in general in my life. I felt exposed at the press conference. But at the same time, strangely enough, I also felt empowered. ****************** Angel Santiago is a survivor of the Orlando Pulse nightclub shooting. Instructions/Permissions *Interviews are edited and condensed *Tag @dearworld on any social/digital use. We are @dearworld on Instagram/Twitter and we are at Facebook.com/dearworld *Credit Dear World/Daymon Gardner for portrait