Dana Ullom-Vucelich

Human Being Over Human Doing: A Conversation with Dana Ullom-Vucelich *Robert: Dana, what does “Human Being Over Human Doing” mean to you?* Dana: It’s a battle every day. I’m an output queen. Achievement can be intoxicating because people reinforce what you produce and contribute. For me, choosing human being over human doing means slowing down and finding my value in who I am, not only in what I accomplish. *Robert: How does that show up in your work?* Dana: I work in human resources, and every day we’re asked for data — productivity, turnover, satisfaction, outcomes. It’s easy to get caught up in the “resources” part and forget the human part. Even with AI changing tactical work, I don’t believe it can replace humanness. In senior living, if I only see someone as “a dementia patient,” I can lose sight of the person standing in front of me. *Robert: When have you caught yourself putting “doing” ahead of “being”?* Dana: I can push so hard that everything else becomes secondary — sleep, relationships, even basic things like taking a break because I think I need to finish ten more emails first. People might call that work ethic, but it can become destructive. I’ve had to recognize when achievement starts outrunning emotional intelligence and tell myself, “This isn’t sustainable.” *Robert: Was there a moment when that lesson became real for you as a mother?* Dana: One day when my daughter was in high school, I walked past her room and it was a disaster. I immediately started thinking about everything she wasn’t doing right and what it said about me as a parent. Then I stood in the hallway and asked myself, “What do I really want?” The answer was a relationship with my daughter. I wanted her to know she was loved, accepted, and that I was proud of her. *Robert: What did you do?* Dana: I told myself, “Shut the door, Dana.” I shut the door and thought about everything I loved about her. She was already an incredible kid, and I realized I didn’t want to be the mother who kept adding new boxes after she had checked all the others. *Robert: What are you trying to carry forward from that moment?* Dana: Harmony. Sometimes we create our own disharmony. It’s an inside-out job. I want to build meaningful things, but I also know the thing standing in my way can be my own pace. I need to pause and recalibrate. Self-awareness and emotional intelligence help me do that, and I’m learning to give myself permission to start small.