Bob Oros

Find Your Voice: A Conversation with Bob Oros *Robert: Bob, take me back to what “Find Your Voice” meant when you first wrote it.* **Bob:** I wrote that message for my youngest daughter, Addie. In kindergarten, she was diagnosed with selective mutism, an anxiety disorder that made her unable to speak at school. At home, she talked like crazy. But at school, she could go the entire day without saying a word. *Robert: What was that like for you as her dad?* **Bob:** At first, it was frustration and even embarrassment because I thought she was choosing not to speak. I’m a problem solver, and I couldn’t solve this. Once we had the diagnosis, I started to understand that this wasn’t a choice. The anxiety was paralyzing her. Once I got over my feelings and focused on hers, I became a much better parent to her. *Robert: What helped you see that progress was possible?* **Bob:** The little victories. It could be as simple as being at a restaurant and hearing her say “chicken” to the waiter. In fifth grade, she spoke a sentence in front of the school at graduation. It was soft, but my wife and I were crying. We looked at each other and thought, “She’s going to be okay.” *Robert: How did that change the way you parented her?* **Bob:** I learned to appreciate the things that might look small to everyone else but were huge for her. I stopped putting pressure on grades or what her career should look like. I just wanted my kids to thrive, whatever that meant to them. *Robert: Where is Addie now?* **Bob:** She just graduated high school and is going to college. The selective mutism is no longer the issue it once was, but anxiety is still part of her life. It changes, and her ability to manage it changes. I feel so much pride and admiration for how far she has come. *Robert: What has this story taught you about yourself?* **Bob:** I learned that I was quick to jump to conclusions. I had to acknowledge that what she was experiencing was real. That required more empathy and self-awareness from me. You hurt for your kid, and you want to make it go away, but sometimes your job is to support them instead of trying to fix everything. *Robert: What values feel most important to you now?* **Bob:** Enjoyment, curiosity, and responsibility. I want to use what I’ve learned for good and lead with more kindness and empathy. I want the people around me to see the real me: honest, curious, still learning, and trying to help others thrive.