On Duke Basketball: The Cost of Chasing Something Special.

Dear Heartbreak, You might have read the news about a basketball team that lost in the final seconds. The team is named Duke and Jon Scheyer, the head coach, happens to be my friend. They are one of the best teams, always expected to win. Because they are so good people love to hate them and revel in their defeats. This week everything came together for the opposing team and everything fell apart for Jon’s team. Most people spend their lives trying to avoid you. Jon knows you well. He’s told me about near misses where he couldn’t leave the arena or grasp that the season was over. Last year after a loss ended the season in a round called The Final Four, Jon said something profound. “When you’re chasing something special, he said. “You put yourself in a position to get your heart broken.” I take this to mean that if we aren’t willing to risk our hearts, we must live knowing deep down we never risked anything. And if I am honest, and most of America is honest, we rarely risk our hearts the way the athletes and coaches we admire do each and every year. Long before this stage, there was another moment. An eye injury that ended his playing career abruptly. He told me how disorienting that was. How hard it was to understand who he was without the game. In that struggle, his mom said something simple to him. That at some point Jon would “See the silver lining.” It’s a hard thing to hear when something gets taken from you. Because there isn’t an obvious silver lining. There’s just loss. There’s something courageous about being able to sit in that awful feeling long enough to ask different questions. What is still here? What can I become? What is this asking of me now? The injury brought him back to Duke. It shaped him into someone who understands that this feeling is part of the work. So last week, you broke the hearts of kids who play a game they love. There’s an 18-year-old named Cayden Boozer, carrying more than he should for a mistake. It’s a cruel world to stick a microphone in an 18-year-old’s mouth minutes after his world crumbled. Yet there we were, watching him with bated breath. He mustered the courage to say, “I cost our team our season.” Jon was quick to say that it wasn't about one play. Because he's been there, he knows what it feels like and he’s going to take care of Cayden’s heart. He’s going to make sure that one moment doesn’t become something it shouldn’t. He’ll put it in the right place. He’ll make it part of the story, not the story. Because Cayden has a big, beautiful story to tell, one that — Basketball Gods willing— will include redemption. The thrill of victory to quell the agony of last week’s defeat.  What I saw in Cayden and I saw in Jon. Winners don’t avoid you, Heatbreak. Winners don’t pretend you don’t hurt. Winners feel it. Winners learn from it. It’s too soon for Jon, too soon for Cayden and too soon for all the Duke fans, but as time moves and hearts mend they will see the silver lining. Because winners don’t chase something special once. They’re wired to chase that special feeling. Heartbreak be damned. Love, Robert PS: I have brought our storytelling methods many years to the Duke program Helping the build the best culture in college basketball. Written with permission to share from Jon.