Kill the Cliché

Dear Cliché, A million stories into this work, I stopped writing you on people’s bodies. Not because you are wrong. Because you let people off the hook. You show up first. That is your move. You arrive polished, approved, ready to go. You make people feel like they have answered the question when really they have just avoided it. “Home is where the heart is.”  “Survive and thrive.”  “Live, laugh, love.” “Be the Change.” My favorites are when people interlock their fingers to make a Heart… “Can you write, ‘Love is all you need.’?” I’ve photographed and written them all. And every time, I knew there was more sitting right behind it. Clichés are not the story. They are what people say when they are standing at the edge of it. They sound complete, but they are borrowed. Anyone can say them. Which means they belong to no one. And if it belongs to no one, it cannot move anyone. What I have learned, over and over again, is that people do not connect to general truth. They connect to something they can see. Something they can feel. Something that could only belong to one person. Not “family matters.”  “My grandmother sets a plate for me.” Not “be strong.”  “His hands were white with dust.” That is where the story is. I didn’t get a passport until I was 47 started out as Survive and Thrive.  I pushed a little deeper…she is a breast cancer survivor. I smiled and said I loved it, but could I ask more… "What in your life has changed?" I asked. She told me about many things, that she is finally getting a divorce–20 years too late—and that she's trying to make the most of every day. But she really lit up when talking about her new love of travel. She rattled off countries she's been to since her cancer diagnosis. Italy, Turkey, Estonia to name a few. We’re yearning to be seen, and we’re yearning to be of service. Asking people, truly asking them to go a little deeper into their experience is one of the greatest things we can do on earth. And oh boy, don’t we need a whole lot more of people asking more each other, lovingly and curiously. That is what a good Dear World photo does. It does not add another cliché to the pile. It invites you into the world of the person standing in front of you. But you do not get there by accepting the first answer. You get there by staying with someone just a little longer. Where, specifically? When did that happen? What did you do? You do not need an hour. You need a moment of attention and the willingness to ask one more question than feels polite. Because the first answer is almost always safe. The second gets closer. The third is usually where it becomes theirs. Cliché, you flatten all of that. They take something alive and make it interchangeable. They resolve the tension before it ever has a chance to exist. That is why they feel good. They’re easy, like “Be the change,” heck yeah, me too.” And that is why they fail. So when someone gives you a cliché, do not accept it as the final answer. Treat it as the beginning. Push, gently. Stay curious. Look for the moment when their face changes, when the words slow down, when something real starts to come through. That is the work. To make them see themselves as brilliant, unique, and exotic…because they are.