Wendy Chandra

[first part is about work] 'Love' to hold everybody together. There are fights, disagreements, everybody is stubborn. But at the core of it – you know, for Chinese [people], we are not very vocal or open with our feelings. We don't hug each other. I don't remember the last time I hugged my mom. It's just weird. You grow up in a non-touching society, at least the older ones. The younger generation is probably more westernized but the more traditional Chinese family is very non-expressive. But I think in the heart and in the core, you do care. You never use the L word really. I don't think anyone in our family really said it, 'I love you.' But I think we care. And the way that we show our care is through deeds and stuff that we do for each other. Like my brother, he paid for my entire college education, my tuition. I had to work for my own living expenses but, you know. Nobody asked him to do it. I wouldn't have had a college education – I wouldn't be here today if my brother didn't do that for me. It's a family obligation that you feel – he's the oldest boy. So that's love. I like the word 'serenity' – that you strive to achieve that level of calm and serenity in your life and try to navigate through all the turbulences that life will throw at you. C: How has your idea of affection and love changed as you've moved. I hug my colleagues and my friends. It's not like I'm incapable of it. But because I didn't grow up with it, it is now very weird to do it to my family members. I might just be the weird one! But I think I would speak for most people who are in a more traditional surrounding, it doesn't mean that things haven't moved. C: When you were growing up what did love to mean to you? It's not a concept that people talk about – it's non-existent. The Chinese concept of filial piety, right, you have obligation for your parents - you have to be dutiful and obedient. You have to as a child study hard and later on when your parents get old you have to take care of them You have to listen to what your teachers say, it's very old concepts. It's just sort of the Asian way of showing that you value your parents and you owe them them bringing you up and taking care of you and so you try to repay them when you are all grown up and you can take care of them when they get old. C: Do you still feel that? Yeah. Luckily they're still healthy. They're in their 70s. But it's more token – they don't need money for survival but at a minimal it's common to give them like an allowance or something to show as if you are taking care of them. And then obviously eventually if they are no longer that healthy, we'll have to work out with my siblings what to do.