Jenny Anne Hans

Thinking about it I'm already crying. People at home back in the Philippines see me as very successful, very strong. So a few years back in the span of three months I went through a difficult time. In the span of three months, my auntie died – who I lived with when I was in high school, and within one month I lost my baby – I had a miscarriage, and in the following month our house burned down. It's like, if there is a Murphy's Law, I maxed out Murphy's Law in the span of three months. But at the time I was depressed for a while because I had a miscarriage so I took time off work. And at the time I already had two young children and they were depending on me. And I was just 'Why did this happen?' I was reading some books and listening to music. And I just said 'You know, it's up to me... I have my support system, I have my husband, I have my parents, my in-laws. But it's really all up to me. It's about how I can get over it and having the right state of mind.' So thinking about that and saying 'I'm very lucky nobody got hurt. And after six months I got pregnant again, so really whatever difficulty I went though if I have a state of mind, remain positive, and just thinking that eventually there's a purpose and I can get through it – eventually I will come out successful. C: That takes a lot of strength and a lot of courage. Do you remember the moment where you decided to change your state of mind? Yeah. There was a period where maybe for three days [at a time] I was just in my room, I would take meals there, I didn't want to go down. My youngest son was about two years old and he would say 'Mom why are you sad? I'm here!' Because he knew I lost a baby but 'I'm here!' So I [realized] 'I'm not punishing myself, I am punishing the people that matter that are here' so that was the moment. Now my youngest is 4 and my eldest is 12. I have four boys. I wanted to have a daughter – that's why I reach up to four boys. I gave up! I have accepted that I'm not having a girl! So now my eldest is in Varsity Swimming. So when he says 'Mom it's so hard I want to give up' I say 'It's in your state of mind! If you say it's too hard, that you'll give up, than you really can not do it.' So I'm really trying to pass on that kind of thinking to my kids.